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My public stuff is fic updates, meta, and perhaps occasional musings on non-fannish things (writing, birds, etc).

Random life commentary, or general commentary that happens to include potentially personally-identifying information (for some relative value of that term, anyway) is private. I like my secret internet double-life, yo.

If you want to be friends, just leave a comment here (all comments screened). If I've seen you around, or you convince me that we have some stuff in common, I'll probably add you!

some books i read lately (june edition)
The Master of GoCollapse )

Jacques the Fatalist and His MasterCollapse )

Crucible of GoldCollapse )

The TrialCollapse )

Conflict is Not AbuseCollapse )

The Fifth SeasonCollapse )

I Capture the CastleCollapse )

some books i read lately (april edition)
oops its been a lil while, here are some books that i have at least a couple sentences' worth of observation on

The Will to BattleCollapse )

The Hundred Thousand KingdomsCollapse )

The Palace of LoveCollapse )

AmberloughCollapse )

The Book of DustCollapse )

The Library at Mount CharCollapse )

UprootedCollapse )

To The LighthouseCollapse )

Chrono Cross and To The Lighthouse are exactly the same
(in the spirit of that famous Kanye line)

SO i just finished reading To The Lighthouse

around the time that an Actual Honest-To-Goodness IRL Friend posted that he's rereading The Waves and he really loves Woolf

i informed him of two things:

1) hi i just read my first Woolf novel it was fun!

2) did you know it's an awful lot like Chrono Cross and i'm a huge nerd

said friend fatefully replied, "i would like to hear this comparison," and then

this happened. i'd like to say "i didn't know i could nerd about chrono cross for 2k words" but. of course i knew that. i fucking knew that.

anyway i dropped this in his inbox but i figured fandom nerds may dig it more. (did i mention said friend is an honest to goodness phd student in literature? p sure i'm just here to drag down his level of discourse ayooooo)

parallels between Chrono Cross and To The LighthouseCollapse )

is it strange that—
—when a famous person dies, i don't end to get tremendously emotional or sad.

not in a conventional sense, at least. i was in a car full of 80's music fans when Michael Jackson died, and i remember how everyone started howling in anguish, someone cried, a few started sharing distraught stories about their favorite songs—i didn't "get" it, but i very politely bobbed my head along to the tenth replay of "Thriller" as we rode along.

that one's not so surprising. i've never been fond of 80's music. that death wasn't really going to touch me.

but, ever since Ursula Le Guin's passing—an author i admired so much, her fiction and her poetry and her nonfiction all—it's strange, when i think of her death, i don't feel sad, exactly. the lady had a good, long life. i think she died as well as anyone could hope for. and she left a wonderful legacy.

but instead i feel a sharp flare of fierce, melancholic resolution.

i feel it, for instance, when i log onto her website to browse her blog—i'd often check on it when she was alive, not because she would do any hot-take think-piece-y things, not directly, but because she always seemed to say something enormously reassuring just when i was at my most distressed, or say something invigorating when i was getting too comfortable. she had a keen mind and keen insights, fresh ways of seeing the world that i couldn't come around to myself.

but now i browse to her website and i remember: she's not around. and i think: she's not around, and she put all this fucking work into making all these beautiful things and telling these important stories burning in her soul and striving to make the world a better place, so—alright, are we better? because we have to be better.

those keen insights, the ones i couldn't come to myself? i've got to work on seeing the world in new ways, now, and tell people about it. i won't be able to log onto her blog anymore to get the thing i crave. and i'm not the only one who needed that. people still need that.

it's not unlike what i felt after my grandfather's passing. after he died i thought a lot about what makes a good person: a moral person, a giving person, a courageous person. and i put a lot of thought into action. and i do think i've become a better person since then. (i became worse, first. sometimes that happens. but i'm better now. still imperfect, still not as good as he was, but—i know what i'm aiming for.)

i imagine when someone very close to me passes it will hurt. i'm not unfeeling. but i wouldn't be surprised if i always feel something of this—they are gone, so now it's up to me to make the world they wanted, and because i loved them i want to make that world too.

more parlor questions
made these questions up on the spot at a gathering earlier this week, and the answers actually ended up being surprisingly fun:

1. what's a book you would recommend i read?

2. what's your favorite book?

3. what is a book that i should read if i want to understand something about you better?

most interesting is whether someone answers the same thing for all three questions, for none of the questions, etc

there were several German grad students in the room so i learned a lot about cutesy German kids' books, heh

(feel free to answer in the comments, yourselves!)

(( for edgelordiness, you can ask folks who have siblings, "which of you is your parents' favorite?" which actually has generated p entertaining answers but, uh, i'd only ask it if you know the person p well and are p sure you won't be digging up some heavy baggage, capisce ))

a friend & i talked about media and stuff
moderate FFXV and FFX endgame spoilers. but like, c'mon, be a warrior, spoilers are fine, etcCollapse )

Friend: "Handled Awkardly but Very Rad" more or less sums up a lot of my feels on the game tbh

Me: yeah that's all of FFXV
but i love it 

spoiler-free sectionCollapse )

two VN reviews
Doki Doki Literature Club: I was told to go into this one without spoilers, so I did. With unwitting prescience, I whined to my friend: "Wait, Monika is clearly the hottest, where's the button that lets me flirt with her?"

Read more...Collapse )

A Night in the Woods: I think this works better if you think of this as more of a "wandering-around-in-a-decaying-rust-belt-town simulator" than a proper narrative-driven game. There is an overarching plot, ostensibly, but the plot's a bit thin, whereas the town is wonderfully tangible, and stuffed with fun little nooks and personalities to explore. (I especially liked talking with the preacher; I wish we'd seen more of him.)

Read more...Collapse )

motherfucking conditioner
so i pretty much loathe showering.

this is not a "i am depressed and thus can't be bothered to keep up appearances" thing; i have pretty much always found showering really damn annoying except in cases where i am extraordinarily hot and sweaty and gross (read: at summer camp).

i'm not a gross person irl, so i do shower regularly, i just regard it as a Really Irritating Chore rather than the ~*~haven of bliss and loveliness and solitude~*~ so many people seem to think it is. (my brother went through a phase in high school where he showered three times a day. i was utterly bamboozled.)

mostly it's just all the extra around the shower i detest—i have long and thick hair, so it takes forever to dry. thus i get three options: (1), i lounge around the house with a towel around my stupid neck for hours until it dries (or just sleep with it wet, the most frequent option). (2), i get out the hair dryer / aggressively towel dry, except active drying can only ever do like 80% of the job, so you still have to wait around if you actually wanted to style it or anything, and also you wasted all that annoying time standing up and blasting your hair from every direction, blah blah blah. or (3), just go out with wet hair anyway, and accept that your hair will be a damp mess all the morning, a frizzy disaster by midday, and around 3pm, maybe you can rake a brush through it to make it not look like total shit. (this is the option i fall back on when i get lazy and procrastinate and don't do a shower at night when i'm supposed to).

anyway, tonight, after procrastinating forever because i was reading a really good book damnit, i finally get up to shower, and this time i get the bright idea of trying a new thing!!! . you see, my hair's looked like shit lately, and so when i went to the hair stylist last week i asked why, and she said "your hair is incredibly dry," and i said AW FUCK THAT'S PROBABLY THE ACCUTANE ISN'T IT, and i felt like a total dope for not figuring it out before. but, for the record, i still have only the haziest idea of the difference between "dry" and "not-dry" hair, other than "one sure tangles and frizzes a lot more"; she could tell it by touch alone and just, how, what wizardry.

anyway, the stylist recommended some conditioner to me, which i regarded with suspicion because my mom was a total dragon about conditioner growing up. it was like, okay if you start smoking tobacco or something i'll be upset but we'll get past it, but GOD FORBID you use any of that CONDITIONER or DETANGLER shit from any of those COMMERCIALS, NOT IN THIS HOUSEHOLD. (i suspect she had some traumatic incident in her past with poisonous conditioner or something. there is no other possible explanation for that level of enmity.)

"won't that make my hair really oily?" i asked.

the stylist rolled her eyes. "that's the point. your hair is too dry. try it."

this was ill-plannedCollapse )

two tidbits from the Ada Palmer AMA
the screeching will continue until some of y'all fucks read this series with me

anyway, the author did an AMA, and

1. I think the last question this person asks is just so unbearably cute—"does my beloved scouting organization survive to the 25th century that your novels describe?"—and it made me smile that Palmer was able to confirm that yes, yes it does.

2. so, without spoiling too much, my opinion of the Utopia hive (i.e. nation) throughout the books has gradually slid from "heh, cute schtick, i see you Team Elon Musk," to "i honestly do not see why the internet is fanboying over these people, also wait does trade of technology not exist in this universe," to (most recently) "ugh these guys are so sanctimonious and annoooooying."

someone on Tumblr said it's really obvious that Palmer fucking loves Utopia, and while i could sorta see that, i thought, "well, Utopia has been getting more irritating and less sparkly lately, surely that's a sign she's not wholly bought in on them?"

lo, literally the top-voted thing on the AMA was a literal IRL Team Elon Musk member, fanboying over Utopia, and Palmer being extremely effusive about Utopia in return. so, okay, she's Team Utopia, clearly.

it's probably some props to her as an author that i could walk away from her books being like "but Utopia clearly is overrated bullshit" and SpaceX Employee Dude could be like "but Utopia is clearly awesome" and we're both probably right :P

...but seriously. someone read these fucking books so we can play the What Hive Would You Be In game. (for the record, we found out way more about Brillist hive in Book 3, and by that i mean we learned way more about the Brillist hive leader in Book 3, and the Brilist leader is a total shithead but in the best possible way and I would follow him to the grave. he embodies the rare, beautiful "extreme nerd" + "extreme extrovert" hybrid so well, it is me i am him, except he has so much more & better snark lol


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